Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
