Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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