But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
