hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
