Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
