i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
