it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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