I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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