just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
