The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
are you so shy because you have an std?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
