my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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