did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
