I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
