is your mom at the bar?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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