He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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