Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
