I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
