Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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