Pants 0. Shit 1.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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