Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
