The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
