I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
