she looked like the before picture.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
