I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
