i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
