i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
