If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't turn off my feet"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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