My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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