yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
