so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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