my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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