I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
smell my finger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
