I'm sorry my penis didn't work
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
