guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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