Kiss
Puke
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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