you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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