how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
