new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
