Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
