They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
