New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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