For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The power of my boobs compel you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
