Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
