You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this hospital has no fireball
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
