we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A bitchslap is in order.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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