First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
