I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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