I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
