I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
