Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
