If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
