Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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