tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
