are you still at the devil's house?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
