another moral hangover. fuck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
