i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
