Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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