He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
