she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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