Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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